Thursday, September 13, 2012

LESSONS LEARNT- GRUDGE OVER PASSION

I am not in  good state of mind as I write this, it takes time for me to understand myself. My dreams are dying down and days are passing away in quick time. I am living a life of a parasite nearly and now I was jolted by something that happened. When a manger threw me off the team last year just because I overtook him in decision making, I was not bothered, when a girl who said 'I love you' without even seeing me physically, left me without even a proper 'Bye' I am still getting on, when someone hit my car and fell in front of it and just opened his eyes to be alive, I was jolted this is all life bottles down to. A small accident can take away the whole life. I am disturbed by this and am also unhappy for being what I am.

Now, I am ashamed of few things

1) Sharing my salary as it's too very low when I compare even to my peers
2) Sharing my interest of film making or writing to my family relatives as they are deriding me most of the time
3) Revealing to many that I spend my time most when free when I am free just playing some stupid games and skipping the all important delivery in office by doing nothing and also sleeping lazily at home. I waste too much time and few people say, I do too many things, to all those I say "guys, if that is the case, you are not worthy being alive, you are just wasting your time and life"

Now, I am a loser till this day, I tried a few things which did not work, may be cause I did not work with enough passion, but I have grudge on everything more than passion, and this will sure turn me on, I would now be happy if I prove others wrong. I am still a sayer and not a doer, I am going out in few minutes to meet a guy who would be cinematographer of my feauture film.

I say this to myself, enough is enough is enough. On january 13th still if my film is not on floors or out of set, on january 14th I am gonna screw myself. I give up nt myself but my whole life. 120 days time and 2880 hours of life is all I have left with.

Plan is this....this weekend, I need to finsih the shoot of VICTIM short film....I am rewriting POORNIMA and already seeking producers for the same. Get few producers of 35 lakhs in total and put it in porduction. Done with life, else go fuck myself. I am done here. Not happy for now, I am going to prove all others wrong. I am going for 'MY LIFE'
  

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I firstly declare here that all the content written in the blog is exclusively written by me and I hold the copyrights of each and everything. Be it a poem or a movie review. Also, the videos or photographs I upload or attach are exclusively owned by me. This declaration is important in a world that seems so worried of piracy. The prime purpose of these blogs is to put my writings and photographs on the net. and well to start with.... I live in my mind, and existence is the attempt to bring my thoughts into physical reality, I celebrate myself, sing myself and I am always happy in my own company.....I am not the best in the world but I strive for excellence and thats what keeps me alive... Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself--Friedrich Nietzsche